A new song

"Praise the Lord. Sing to the Lord a new song, his praise in the assembly of the saints." Psalm 149:1

I read this scripture for the first time tonight. Sure I've passed over it before and I've sung it in church, but tonight I read it. I feel as if the Lord is using this psalm to challenging me in a great way.

My usual way of approaching the Lord's challenges go as followed: receive challenge, overanalyze, weigh possibility of failure, admit defeat. This process repeats it's self until He either knocks me in the head, or sends somebody else to. My stubbornness illustrates my Sheepish nature, and proves that even a dog (since trainable) is more intelligent. Praise that my Shepherd is gentle and consistent.

Anyways, back to the challenge at hand: a new song. This concept as always overwhelmed me. When writing a song I often think, "all of this has been sung before... everything that is needs to be said has been said", and I would find myself discouraged in offering praise.

Is it possible to offer up a new song?

This lesson may be elementary, but I am in constant need for review. God doesn't yearn for our words; He longs for our hearts. God is not impressed by words for anyone can bow his/her head, say churchy words, and end with "amen". God is impressed by a humble Spirit and surrendered heart.

It's hard to get beyond surface thinking, because we are surface people. We often consciously or subconsciously place stereotypes on people based on skin color and/or dress, and we judge people's intelligence based upon their presentation in speech. First impressions really are everything?

Thing is God sees beyond our rehearsed speeches and gets right to the core of our being. He sees our dirty laundry, knows just how soiled it all is, and knows exactly how it got there. In 2 Corinthians Paul discusses the impact the ministry has had on the church. He says they are a "letter from Christ... written not with ink but with the Spirit of the living God, not on tablets of stone but on tablets of human hearts." (chapter 3 verse 3).

God looks at the inscriptions on our hearts, if the words don't match our praises all falls void. God knows the truth. In reality every song from my heart is a new one simply because it comes from me. No one has had nor will ever have my heart. I am unique and therefore my songs are unique. God doesn't want just any song; He wants mine.

The challenge: offer a new song to the Lord. Rules: the words must be a reflection of what is written on the heart. Incentive: a raw, intimate relationship with Jesus Christ.

I think I'll take this one on.

"For the kingdom of God is not a matter of talk but of power." 1 Corinthians 4:20

"So what shall I do? I will pray with my spirit, but I will also pray with my mind; I will sing with my spirit, but I will also sing with my mind." 1 Corinthians 14:15

More comfortable dead than alive?

I apologize in advance for this scattered post. God is teaching me something, and I am trying best to grab hold of the lesson. Ever feel like you're on the edge of having an "ah ha" moment? Yeah, I'm there.

Everyone will agree that human nature is flawed. The origin of that nature has been debated by philosophers throughout history. Some perspectives claim that humans by nature are good, and that it is circumstance that alters our nature. However, all will agree some where down the line humans mess up. We are fickle, selfish and greedy. Our actions and thoughts are unstable and circumstantial.

Agreed?

So it is established. Humans are flawed. Knowing this why do we seek answers and approval from our peers opposed to seeking God? Do we think that God isn't wise? Too far away? Unable to handle our questions and/or circumstances? Or do we just don't know or understand how big God is?

"For since the creation of the world God's invisible qualities-His eternal power and divine nature-have been clearly seen, being understood from what has been made, so that men are without excuse." Romans 1:2

Paul says it's pretty hard to ignore God. Would you agree? Is our natural inclination to follow the ways of humans and seek their approval really natural? Or is this a learned behavior? Why are we so apt to "exchange the glory of the immortal God for images made to look like mortal man and birds and animals and reptiles" (Romans 1:23)?

We are more comfortable seeking flesh than the Spirit, and exchanging truth for lies. (Romans 1:25).

So. Are we more comfortable dead than alive?

False. I believe we naturally seek life, and though signs of life surround us we look for fulfillment in death (those mortal men, birds, animals and reptiles). Here's where the battle lies: we identify with death, but also with life. We have been conceived in sin (Psalm 51:5), but woven and created by God (Psalm 139).

This is where choices are made. We identify with both and have to decide which outcome we desire; continue to seek fulfillment, or be fulfilled?

Truth: "Flesh gives birth to flesh, but the Spirit gives birth to Spirit." John 3:6

Being "senseless, faithless, heartless, [and] ruthless (Romans 1:31) is a choice, because we have the option to be filled with "love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control" (Galatians 5:22). The beauty of it all is that we have a choice. We can choose to be stubborn and work at ignoring God. We can choose to deny His existence. And we can choose to live empty.

Experiencing death in your circumstances? Examine your choices. Where are you getting your advice?

"Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find knock and the door will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives; he who seeks finds; and to him who knocks, the door will be opened." (Matthew 7:7-8)

Honesty is the best policy.

Think about it. How many times have you walked into church, sang a song, lifted your hands, closed your eyes, and walked out never meeting God?
Question. When you talk to God what does it sound like? Are your prayers littered with "good-sounding-Christian" words?

Many people carry the burden of Religion. We think that everything should fit into a box. Our prayers should be structured: start with "Dear God", say something about "forgive our sins" and end with "amen". Our worship should be predictable: stand, second chorus close eyes, bridge lift hands, etc. These actions are robotic lacking meaning, substance, and intimacy.

Religion forces people to create a facade. The facade must be one that proclaims "everything is great because you love Jesus". It forces people to put on a "happy face" when going to church. To fit into the religion box you cannot have any current struggles, burdens, addictions, doubts, or fears. Because you have been delivered!

True. Deliverance is here.
False. We DO struggles, we STILL carry burdens, we STILL have addictions, we STILL have doubts, and we STILL have fears.

Fitting into the religion box requires you lie; it tells you to leave who you are and become someone else before encountering God or God's people.

Fact: the fruit religion produces is withered and useless.
Fact: religion will leave you hungry.
Fact: God wants you just the way you are.

Honesty. It is the foundation to all solid relationships, and a necessary element of worship. It is the topic God has been speaking to me about throughout this week. God desires to meet with us, not a religion robot. He wants us to bring our struggles, burdens, addictions, doubts and fears with us when we meet with Him. Ultimately He want's to take all of our mess away, but He can't take it unless we give it, and we can't give it unless we take it. Read that sentence again. Making sense?

Don't worry. It's Biblical. Look at all the prophets in the Bible; people such as Moses, David, Jeremiah, JESUS. Each one came into God's presence HONEST.

• Moses doubted His calling:"..What if they do not believe me or listen to me?..." (Exodus 4:1)
• David called out to God, but felt like he was being ignored: "Listen to my prayer, O God do not ignore my plea; hear me and answer me. My thoughts are trouble me and I am distraught.." (Psalm 55:1,2)
• Jeremiah asked God why bad things happen to good people and good things seem to always come to bad people: ".. Why does the way of the wicked prosper? why do all the faithless live at ease?" (Jeremiah 12:1)
• Jesus went face down before God in the garden before Judas betrayed Him. He anticipated the outcome, and honestly asked of the Lord: "if it is possible, may this cup be taken from me."(Matthew 26:39)
  

These men of God came into the Presence with all their mess. The SON OF GOD entered in with concerns and burdens. Be assured that it is not wrong to have struggles. Rest easy knowing that having doubts is normal. BEING HUMAN IS OKAY. :]

Following Christ involves a relationship, and like any relationship it requires honesty. Being honest with Him about our struggles, burdens, addictions, doubts and fears, allows Him to work in us! By taking our burdens to Him gives Him the opportunity to carry them. Revealing our doubts allows Him to answer questions. He want's to do a mighty work in us, but first WE must let Him in.

Okay, really, examine yourself. The religion facade does not satisfy you. Something is missing. So, start being honest with God. If you are having a crappy day tell Him, "Lord, I am having a really crappy day..." . Allow Him to council you, heal you, and deliver you. Following Christ IS a relationship. It requires time, effort, honesty, communication and all that other good stuff. IT'S WORTH IT.

50 inches tall or 50 inches wide?

So today was not a smooth day: meaning most of today's events were bumps and caused uncomfortable jolting. I will not bore you with all the events like the quiz in classics, the overflowing toilet, the inkless computer lab, or my graceful fall going up the Bate stairs. No, I instead I have chosen to inform you of the highlight: the search for the lab coat.

I am two credits away from being a biology minor. This is coming from a vessel that avoided science at all costs starting in elementary school; all I can say is God is good. This semester I was forced to take Microbiology the lecture and Microbiology the lab. 

I get this email: "Biology 2111 [microbiology lab] students come to Tuesday's lab prepared, wearing long sleeved shirts, close toed shoes, pants and a lab coat. The lab coat must come below the knee. Students who come unprepared will not be admitted into the lab."

As I delete the email I am thinking, no problem, I have long sleeved shirts, pants, and closed toed shoes: all I needed was the lab coat. The search began this afternoon, after all of the bumpy events like the toilet and inkless computer lab. I started out at the student store. The place was packed with smelly students. I had to fight my way to an employee to ask where the lab coats were. I followed the young man to the art department. 

"Here are our coats.. there aren't many left." he said with a drawl. "We only have one size left for you.. it says 50.. but I'm not sure whether it is 50 inches tall or 50 inches wide." 

I tried to control the contortion of my face. I looked for it, but there was no hint of humor in his face. Really? I thought to myself. Do I look 50 inches wide? Please explain to me, do I look 50 inches tall. The coat was huge. It looked like it needed two coat hangers to support the weight of the fabric. 

So the search continued. I called uniform shops around town. Most were out of smalls in lab coats. Everyone was picked clean. Finally I reached a store that wouldn't guarantee me a size, but offered a little hope. I got in my Echo and sped (acchem drove with gumption) to the store. 

Did I mention today was the first day of school for Pitt County? Let it be known today was the first day, and that all of Pitt County children are required to have uniforms. Let me just say this store was hopping. I pushed my way through to a rack of thousands of white lab coats. Half the store was made of these coats, or so it appeared. 90% of the thousand white lab coats were above the knee, and only .7% of the remaining 10% were in a size I could get by with. 

After spending forever trying on coats and eyeballing what other ECU microbiology lab girls were returning to the racks, I finally found one. Of course when I got to the checkout counter the debit machine broke, but eventually I did get out of the store with lab coat in hand.

Pointless story yes. BUT I did get the lab coat, and it wasn't 50 inches wide either. 

So frustrating.

My relationship with my Father has progressed very steadily. Yet I now find myself in a place of frustration.

I want to write a song.

One must understand how my soul thirsts to write. I want to write how I feel but simply writing is not enough; I want to sing how I feel. I want the words to be my own, I desire that connection of personal worship. The connection I feel when the words fall out of my mouth revealing the condition of my heart.

The connection is lost, and I am frustrated. How can this be restored? How can I be so close and not be able to write about where I am? None of this is making any sense to me. Is my song writing chapter over? Has He taken the gift away? And if He has, why do I have this aching?

I have never been one to sit down and say, "Now I will write a song". No, the words have always been given to me. Over the last few weeks the words that have been given don't make any sense.
For an example this morning I wrote this:

I'm reaching for something, longing for it to be real.
While searching for the answers, my soul longs to hear.
I come up empty, grasping at nothingness.
And my heart beat echoes hollowly, hollowly, against my now empty chest.

These verses are out of character for me. I cannot figure out what God is trying to say, or if He is trying to say anything at all!? I am frustrated to the point of being hurt. I just don't understand what He wants. I just want Him to fix me, to break me, rebuild me...do something and let me sing about it!

Out of all honesty it makes me angry. Yes, I am admitting I am angry at God. How can He give me a desire and then refuse to fulfill it. I am sure it is all part of His master plan, but right now I am stomping my feet and saying it isn't fair. Maturity will come I am sure... maybe tomorrow.

"Do not cast me from you presence or take your Holy Spirit from me. Restore to me the joy of your salvation and grant me a willing spirit, to sustain me." Psalm 50:11,12

Aren't you a history major?

So life is crazy. I have come to grips with that fact. Each season I go through has its times of absolute insanity, and also its periods of lulls. Right now its one of those "I'm not going to panic stress will not and cannot kill me" times.

In spite of all the pressure and my friend Mr. Stress, the Lord continues to show me favor. Today the history "quiz" was returned, and I made a B+. After class my professor and I engaged in conversation, and I found out I was one of the top grades. During this casual chat he said, "So did you tell me you were majoring in history, English, or classics?"

I know my expression was like "Say what!" Of course I couldn't help but laugh. He had a similar reaction when I told him I was a Nursing major. "But aren't you a history major?" Nope. "Ah, but you have such a sharp mind."

Looking beyond the fact he insinuated that nurses aren't very sharp...I was very flattered.

Just get through....

I woke up this morning with the notion: if I can just get through today everything will seem brighter. This is not a good way to start a week, but I tried so hard to optimistic.

Here I am now, saying: if I could just get through tomorrow.

The downfall began in my Ancient Greece history class. This is a junior level class which requires a lot of my attention, particularly in the form of assigned reading. I have three books for this class: a text book, a book by the ancient historian Herodotus, and a book by the ancient historian Plutarch. Notice two of this book were written before Christ.

Well this weekend I went home to enjoy the pleasures of an only child (Grant and Becca being in VA), and I accomplished everything on my checklist assuring myself I was getting ahead. I read, took notes, made flashcards, wrote a term paper, etc.

I get to class today to find out the 250 plus pages I read in Plutarch.. was actually supposed to be read from Herodotus. AND I have a test on those readings tomorrow.

Say what!? This would be an okay mistake if I didn't have an Anatomy and Physiology practical tomorrow AND a quiz in Ethics. What have I gotten myself into???

I am trying so very hard to stomp down the lump of anxiety that is now living in my throat and stay optimistic. I have even resorted to strong coffee, after being on a caffeine sabbatical for 3 months. It appears I will be staying up late tonight and ignoring the dishes in my sink and laundry in the dryer. I will try not to think about how I am not prepared for the Bible study tomorrow, and pretend I don't have an Ethics exam on Friday.

If I could just get through this week....